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Hello =) Jeg er ny her og lurte på hva dere synes om mine dikt jeg har skrevet opp gjennom tidene.
Jeg er 18 år gammel og har skrevet siden jeg var 14-15 år gammel. Det er en blanding av norske og engelske dikt her,
men jeg har skrevet mest engelske ettersom jeg synes jeg uttrykker følelser bedre på engelsk.
I bunn er det også 2 noveller, en engelsk og en norsk.
Venter spent på tilbakemelding =)
Hilsen Beeninsane
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A year
A full and long year has gone
Think of everything we've done
All the happy hours
You've got my love, it is ours
And now you're moving so far away
I'm missing you every day
Don't forget my love
Like a pearly, white dove
A red rose I give to you
Remember our first time, I do
A red rose to symbolize a happy year
I love you my sweetest, baby dear
Your's truly
Beeninsane
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To Abnormalty, The lost friend
Dear Friend
I really wanted to be like you
You were good through and through
but now i doubt my once fantastic wish
You've become arrogant and selfish
Perhaps all the goodness in you took a vacation
And now your heart lost it's positive vibration
You always put things off and never care anymore
You've left me quite helpless, alone and sore
Now I've begun smoking just like you do
I've also begun putting things off like you do
I was once good through and trough
Now I'm more like the new you
You say you have your own problems to fix
But what about our guitar lessons, thursday at six?
I still remember, though you've probably forgot
Our time togheter still meant, to me, quite a lot
I write this for you to help you
Just as much as me
I need my good old friend back
Back were we used to be
Don't want to be like the new you
Help me... Help yourself
I still care about you...
Beeninsane
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Angel
She has not slept well for two years
Every night results in tears
She is shivering, freezing and crying
She feels like she is dying
She has no face
Only lonely days
Angels doesn't belong here
Goodbye...
Beeninsane
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The definition of Sorrow
Quiet, noisy, angry, fake, dead
She'd do anything to be her instead
Beeninsane
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Don't know me
You say I'm useless
You say I'm rude
You say I'm a bad friend
You say I'm dishonest
It just showes me how good of a friend you are
You don't know me
And I'm glad you don't...
Beeninsane
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Inspiration
I really wanted to be like you
You were my Inspiration
You did what you wanted to do
You were free, You were true
You were a good friend, reliable
You were strong and loveable
You didn't know hate
You were really great
But something went wrong
Now you're almost gone
You were my idol, my closest friend
But all dreams must come to an end
The idol was slowly fading away
All these thoughts are in my mind to day
I have nothing more to say
I really wanted to be like you
You were my Inspiration
Beeninsane
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Love
What is real love?
What is correct love?
A white beautiful dove
flies in the skies above
I think of couples, happy talking
I think of you, I'm walking
Alone in the night
Something's not right
You're so happy with your dear
Why is this longing feeling here?
Why am I not also happy with my one
I feel like I'm all alone.
You talk and laugh, play and smile
I haven't done that for a long while.
Am I with the wrong girl?
My world's in a wild twirl
I want to gaze up at the sky
Thoughts are free, I want to fly
Away and everywhere
I miss my lonely days...
Beeninsane
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Regret:
I regret my past
all my lonely days
I regret my life
all those lonely gays
Don't ask...
Beeninsane
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Scratches
Her heart is scratched
Her soul is in bits
She doesn't know what to do
-Scratches
Her face is full of sorrow
Her smile is full of sadness
She doesn't know what to do
-Scratches
Beeninsane
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Someone like you
I want someone to hold me dear
Someone who is always there
Even though she's far away
That's the girl I want some day
A girl similar to you
So sweet, beautiful and true
Sexy, long blonde hair
That's what I want right here
There is no one like you
I love you, I swear it's true
A dazzling soft smile
You skin so soft and mild
Spend your life with me
And your start to see
I love 'till I die
Dusins of red roses I will buy
Alli want to hold you thight
Through the endless night
Holding you, all I want to hear
Is; I love you very much my dear
You're the girl of my dreams
You're the one for me it seems
Goodnight my sweet dream-girl
A tear on my cheek, a shiny pearl
-Beeninsane
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Sometimes...
Sometimes I feel no pain
Sometimes I feel only pain
Sometimes I don't feel anything
No happiness inside
Sometimes I hate myself
Sometimes I want to die
Sometimes I'm not alive
No happiness inside
But when I talk with you
I feel happy...
Beeninsane
(Første jeg skreiv, i 8'ende)
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Sorrow
A burning feeling in my chest
Just wanting to burst out in tears
Why can't I just cry and get over with it
Why do I have to pretend to be so strong
I'm so fake...
I'm sitting here alone, shivering
I want to be with you, smiling
Why can't we be togheter, laughing
When we're both so sad alone, crying
Being alone is painfull
Help me...
Finally a tear runs down my cheek
I've waited so long for this day
I knew you were going to do this anyway
Love is not forever...
Beeninsane
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Sorry
I'm so sorry for what I've done
I wish this song had never been sung
I was an idiot, a fool
I treated you as a tool
I am what I am, I do what I do
I'm sorry for the mistake, that's true
I don't intend to hurt you
But sometimes I do
Just remember that I love you
Because that I really do
You were right all along
Let's start a new song
A song of pleasure and joy
I'll be a really good boy
I will support and honour you
That's what I'll do
An uforgiveable thing
Cruel, I have been
Everything went the wrong way
I think about you every day
I'm so sorry for what I've done
I wish this song had never been sung
Beeninsane
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Suicide
The dawn of day creates a blood-red sky
A burning feeling deep inside of me
Do I want to live? Do I want to die?
Watching the ripples on the long, distant sea
Beautiful feeling, do I exist?
Thinking of my love, thinking of you
The wind blows, a soft, warm drift
Are you thinking of me too?
A tear runs down my cheek
A sleepless night yet again
I'm at the very end, the peak
For you are just my friend
Shall I leave everything behind and go?
Do I want to leave this world today?
I am not yet sure, so
Perhaps another day, further down the way
-Beeninsane
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Little Julie (Incomplete)
She killed herself that night
The night that her soul died
She ought to be sleeping tight
In the middle of the night,
but she had murdered her family
Suddenly so sad and lonely
Blood slattered around her bed
At her hands lay her baby, dead
The thing that started it all
She heard her insanity call
Her parents hated her ex-boyfriend
They saw him as nothing but a fiend
He hurt their little baby daughter
Resulted in the dreadfull slaughter
She was too in love to see
The son of a bitch he could be
Beeninsane
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The Night
The night has always been my friend
The night is always there for me
The night is a beautiful time,
To think about the things you love
And I love you
The night is a silent beauty
The night is a time for people to think
The night brings a lot of memories,
For me to think about
And I think about you
The night is the time I am awake
The night is the time I get lost in my own thoughts
The night is a place to go to,
When I miss you
And that I really do
A cold winter night
With beautiful stars
Is what I need
To be with you
My forever love
Beeninsane
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What am I?
I don't belive in ghosts nor spirits
I don't belive in any God nor any religion
I don't belive in myself nor you
I don't belive in anything
What am I?
Beeninsane
----------------------
Why do I have to use these feelings to write
How come I can't write when I'm happy
I need sadness in my life to write
I don't want to be sad, but writing is my life
My life is sadness
Beeninsane
--------------------
Alene, med deg
Vi holdt rundt hverandre
Det var ingen andre
Alene, med deg
Du var så fin
Jeg ville være din
Alene, med deg
Jeg så på deg
Du så på meg
Alene, med deg
Så kom kysset, så fint, så ømt
Dette var alt jeg hadde drømt
Alene, med deg
Jeg var så glad
Dette var mitt livs beste dag
Alene, med deg
Beeninsane
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Alone in the Night
She sits there all alone
All alone in the dark beautiful night
The moon and the stars are shining over her
A special light that takes away her pain
Whenever she sits here in the dark night
She forgets her sorrow and pain
Happiness takes over and she smiles
Looking at the stars in the gentle summer breeze
Looking at the sun rise over the hill
Looking at the pink skies high above
So free, so beautiful
That is when she feels love
Beeninsane
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Det var den gang
Det var den gang:
-Da alle blomster blomstret
-Da alle skyer forsvant
-Da alle fuglene sang
Det var den gang:
-Jeg følte glede
-Jeg følte meg elsket
-Jeg følte kjærlighet
Det var den gang:
-Alle snudde ryggen
-Alle gikk sin vei
-Alle unntatt deg
Det var den gang:
-Da den ble vår venn
-Da vi satt oppe sammen, alene
-Da natten var vår venn
Natten og Ensomheten ble mine venner
Dette er noe jeg aldri glemmer
Mine aller trofaste venner
Beeninsane
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Ensom
En ensom og kald vinternatt
Jeg ute står å tenker
Tenker på deg og bare deg
Mitt hjerte består av deg
Det er sent på kveld
Jeg står ute likevel
Stjernene skinner så fint og klart
Minner meg om kjærlighet og hat
Den røde sky på himmelen svart
Begynner å komme frem nå, sent på natt
Den kommer sakte til syne
Over den sjernekledde mørke dyne
Her ute jeg står
Ser på soloppgangen vår
Drømmer om at du står ved min side
Noe jeg håper du kommer til å gjøre en gang i livet
Jeg tenker på deg hver eneste natt
Tenker på deg og alt vi kunne hatt
Deg og Meg
Meg og Deg
Vær natt jeg våkner våt av tårer
Når skal dette gå over
Jeg savner deg så hjertet neste sprenger
Det er deg mitt hjerte trenger
En ensom og kald vinternatt
Jeg ute står å tenker
Tenker på deg og bare deg
Mitt hjerte består av deg
Jeg elsker deg
Beeninsane
----------------
Helt Alene
Helt alene i mørket jeg står
Hjertet; bare et stort sår
Jeg vil ikke være alene lenger
Meg er det ingen som kjenner
Helt alene jeg står, i denne mørke kveld
Stjernene skinner så vakkert alikevel
Helt stille det er, hvor bare meg står
Ingen som løper, ingen som går
Dette er mitt uhelbredelige sår...
Beeninsane
---------------
Illusion
The sun is setting
everyone's forgetting
Their sorrow and pain
There is no more rain
I too forget, my pain
Nothings the same
The sunset is beautiful
Everyone seems thrustful
I've never been so glad
For once, I too am not sad
Because of you, sitting next to me
This is everything I want it to be
Holding you close to me
Now while no one can see
I kiss you gently on the cheek
I've never met someone so sweet
We look at each other and grin
You're the sweetest thing
I'm so happy that you're mine
Until the end of all time
21/8-27
Beeninsane
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Miss perfect
Short brown hair
Sparkling blue eyes
Soft and warm skin
A smile warmer than the sun
Neiter tall nor short
Cute and beautiful
Everyone's dream
The beauty of the world
An engel on earth
Perfect as far as the eye can see
But underneath;
Arrogant and cruel
Evil and distorted
That's miss Perfect
Beeninsane
-----------------
“All alone in the dark night
The stars are sparkling
The moon is glowing
Her beautiful face is shining in the moonlight”
Uneasy Love
Beeninsane
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--------------------------
Hun
Jeg sank sakte sammen foran henne, jeg kunne ikke tro det. Den kalde vinden blåste forsiktig forbi og rusket meg i håret.
Rundt meg hørtes fjerne stemmer, stemmer som bare falmet vekk.
De så på jenta som lå der og meg med hodet bøyd over den livløse kroppen.
Da de skjønte hva som hadde skjedd sukket de dypt og trakk seg forsiktig unna. En varm hånd senket seg ned på skulderen min.
En stemme sa at det var ikke noe jeg kunne gjøre. Hun måtte ha dødd momentant.
Mannen fra bilen hadde kommet ut og sagt om og om igjen hvor fryktelig lei seg han var, men ordene bare svevde vekk uten mye betydning.
De kunne umulig vite hvordan jeg følte det, de visste ikke. Det føltes som om en del av meg akkurat hadde forsvunnet.
De visste ikke at det mest betydningsfulle i livet mitt lå der foran meg.
Borte for alltid.
--
Det er et år siden den dagen alt gikk galt. Et år har gått og jeg er like tom. Hun hadde vært en del av meg.
Det viktigste i livet, borte, forsvunnet så fort. Jeg var seksten og trodde det ville gå over. Nå er jeg sytten og savnet er der ennå.
Jeg står på verandaen og ser ut over byen, det er kveld og gatelysene tilslører nesten alle stjernene. Jeg ser opp og sukker. Tenker.
Klokka er blitt nesten tre nå, jeg skulle lagt meg for flere timer siden. Men jeg vil ikke sove.
Nesten hver natt, i ett år, har jeg gått tilbake til den dagen i drømmene mine. Nesten hver natt har jeg våknet med tårer i øynene.
Nei, det er bedre å ikke sove, særlig ikke i dag. Jeg fortsetter å stirre opp på den stjernekledde himmelen.
En merkelig kjølig vind stryker fordi og får meg til å skjelve. Samme vinden som, som...
Jeg sukker igjen, tenner en røyk og merker at det har begynt å snø. Sakte, Sakte daler den ned.
Jeg strekker ut hånden min og kjenner et snøflak lande. Jeg ser ned og den blir kjapt til vann før et nytt flak lander.
Idet jeg tar et nytt trekk kommer jeg på et løfte. Et løfte jeg har brutt; ”Jeg skal ikke begynne å røyke”.
Jeg sukker på ny og stumper røyken på rekkverket. Et løfte er et løfte, tenker jeg, mens jeg lager en ny sti gjennom alt rotet bort til PC’en.
Setter på den vanlige sangen når jeg føler meg nedfor; ” Antony and the Johnsons – Hope there’s someone”
*
Hope there's someone
Who'll take care of me
When I die, will I go
Hope there's someone
Who'll set my heart free
Nice to hold when I'm tired
There's a ghost on the horizon
When I go to bed
How can I fall asleep at night
How will I rest my head…
*
Jeg går inn på mappen ”Mine Bilder” og ser på bilder av henne. Hun er så nydelig;Langt mørkt hår, lyseblå øyne, og et kjempe søtt smil som kan smelte enhver. Jeg husker alt om henne; hvordan hun pleide å smile så beskjedent, rødme så fint hver gang noen sa noe fint til henne,
måten den myke, behagelige stemmen fikk meg til å sveve vekk i mine egne drømmer. Savner måten hun pleide å kysse meg, så ømt, så mykt.
Jeg merker at en tåre renner nedover kinnet mitt og lander på hånden min. Jeg ser ned og ser en vått liten flekk glinse opp mot meg i lyset fra nattbordslampen. Synet mitt er blitt grumsete nå. Hvorfor skulle dette akkurat skje med meg? Jeg ville bare være en helt normal gutt,
som verken var populær eller upopulær. Jeg ville bare ha et normalt liv! Hva har jeg fortjent for å oppleve dette?
Ett år har jeg gått rundt og tenkt på henne, ett helt år! Sorgen kommer nok aldri til å forsvinne, tenker jeg, og tørker vekk tårene.
Sangen avslutter og det blir helt stille. Jeg tar av meg headsettet og går stille ut på verandaen igjen. Tenner en ny røyk og sukker.
Det er høyt ned, veldig høyt. Jeg stirrer lenge, lenge ned på asfalten under meg som nå har et tynt snøpledd over seg.
Røyken har slukket, men jeg merker det ikke. Jeg bare fortsetter å se ned på bakken. Det går lang tid før jeg endelig ser opp.
Det har omsider sluttet å snø og det kommer brummende lyder nedenfra. Det kjører en bil langt der nede.
Antageligvis et menneske som haster av gårde til jobb, uten bekymringer og sorger. Med det jeg alltid har drømt om: ”Et normalt liv”.
Vekkerklokka ringer og jeg går sakte bort til nattbordet og skrur den av. Klokka er sju nå, det er skole snart. Jeg vil ikke på skolen,
jeg vil stå på verandaen og tenke, alene. Bare se utover i evigheten og drømme meg bort. Drømme meg tilbake i tid, til da vi var kjærester og lykkelige. Skulle ønske det kunne ende nå, sånn at jeg kunne se henne igjen. Kan det ikke ende snart? Jeg vil ikke være lei og trist lenger.
Moren til Jonas kommer inn på rommet, som hun alltid gjør, for å sjekke om Jonas er våken.
Hun rekker å høre at han roper, rett før han lander på fortauet nedenfor;
-
”Jeg elsker deg, Julie!”
Beeninsane
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-------------------
Why love hurts
Julie noticed it at once when she met him at school that day. Something was off. And before she knew it he'd said it. He'd simply lost his feelings for her,
he didn't know how to explain it but there just wasn't anything there anymore. He said he was sorry and left. She didn't cry right there and then.
She was going to show him that she wasn't weak, she had self-respect. But when she got home she started to cry uncontrollably.
She collapsed on the bed and cried for hours.
-
"At least she didn't cry." Daniel thought. He was sitting on the bus home, staring out of the window, thinking.
He didn't want to do this but he didn't have a choice. He couldn't pretend to love her anymore. Besides,
there was another person filling up that love place now. Her name was Emily. She had the most amazing voice,
and he always smiled when he saw her. Brown soft hair, a warm smile, perfectly shaped, an angel on earth.
But she didn't love him and he didn't love Julie. So much suffering, it was a wonder he lived. His vision had started to blur.
"No! It couldn't happen here. Not on the bus, everyone would see it." He managed to get home with out too many looks,
and marched straight to his room. He fell to the bed and started to cry. He'd broken Julie's heart and his was broken by Emily.
What was he going to do. He hated life as it was, never being happy.
Two years ago he'd dreamed of having a girlfriend.
One that would support him trough good and bad times. He tought he'd be happy with a girlfriend. And he was happy,
for a short period of time. The feelings just disappeared so fast. It was if his body didn't want to love people who loved him back.
Everything was determined to make him feel miserable.
He wiped his eyes and went in to the living room, stole a smoke from his mother before she came home from work and went back to his room,
out on the porch. He lit the sigarette and inhaled. He heaved a deep sigh and looked up at the sky. It was winter so it was pretty dark and cold outside already.
He could almost see the stars already. A star, so far away, free. Not bound by feelings or difficult choices. Just there to be a light and shine over them.
He couldn't do this anymore. He couldn't go on like this. He packed a bag with some of his most prescious items and left a note for his family.
"Gone away forever to explore the depths of life, I love you all"
He was never heard from again...
Beeninsane
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